Fin: I'm Sorry

Fin...Tamat...
Bosen banget ya kali temen-temen gw diceritain soal gw putus. Tapi sekarang, for sure, its for good. Entahlah terakhir berantem dan hampir putus sebulanan lalu, seperti biasa gw didiemin tanpa kata2 apapun. Kita kembali berbaikan, with one condition...gak ada lagi kayak begini. And here we go again. Gw juga gak luput koq intropeksi diri gw sendiri, sebelum gw akhirnya mengambil keputusan ini. Iya, gw sibuk punya lebih sedikit waktu untuk berkomunikasi dengan proper, iya gw jenuh dengan pola komunikasi kami yang jatuhnya      jadi kayak formalitas, because we're committed so we have to say hai everyday, iya gw lelah ketika gw terus bercerita dan dia hanya mendengarkan tanpa komentar, iya gw merasa klo obrolan kami udah gak ada isinya, dan iya gw ngerasain itu semua tapi gak langsung ngomong. For one reason, gw takut, takut reaksinya  gak sesuai dengan apa yang gw harapkan, dan dia akan menghilang lagi. But you know i tried to fix it, i tried to talk to you, but you ran as always.
Menyadari bahwa sebagian adalah salah gw juga, i tried to give you time, and space to think alone. I tried to call you back, but you didnt answer. Mungkin gw terlalu cepat mengambil kesimpulan, atau mungkin gw udah terlalu sering ada di posisi ini. but i said to you once, if you did this again i'll leave you. You agreed, dont you. So, i thought this is the time, to prove that i mean it every single words i said to you.
Ada sedikit harapan di sudut hati gw paling dalam, that you still need more time. But you just jerkin around. I have my worst day, i lost one of my family you didnt even say you're sorry for my lost, what kind of man are you? are you even a human?
Gw rasa semarah apapun, manusia itu punya empati, and for God shake gw itu yang katanya kamu sayang, so this time the logic win. I leave you for good, for our shake.
One of my friend said : ' Gw pengen liat kalian bareng, pengen belain dia di depan lo'
Yes, i did too...i tried to fight myself, to let him stay longer, but my head win this time.
After all, He's my best friend, i tried to take him as he is, love him the way he is, but its not working anymore.
What i do  today, is me being his good friend, taught him to be a man.

Kita sama-sama tau kalo hubungan ini gak akan kemana-mana, kamu akan selalu begitu dan gw juga akan selalu begitu. Like i said, when we broke up this time i'll delet you from all my contact, literally from my life. Call me childish, but its easier for me. Let we take our own path. Let's write our own story separately. One thing for sure, there's no one else. Gak pernah ada orang lain dalam 2 tahun 7 bulan kita bareng. Its just us messing around. Sorry if its not a proper goodbye, maybe one day we'll meet, and laugh to what happened today. Suatu saat kamu akan nemuin orang yang lebih pas. Good luck with what you're doing, just make it happen this time, i always believe that you can.
Live your life, and i'll live mine. Cause we better off seperated.

Jakarta, March 31 2013
Loves
S

#selfnote

Belakangan ini sering pulang paling akhir di kantor, selain sesiangan riweh meeting yang bikin kerjaan terbengkalai, entah kenapa gw suka menyibukkan diri di malam hari jadi pulang gw langsung tidur. Dan mungkin ini bagian dari berlari, lari dari masalah yang harusnya udah gak ganggu gw lagi, yaelah umur 23 tahun masih ngeribetin soal pacaran, jadi banyak kerjaan dan traveling belakangan ini buat gw adalah bless in disguise 'cih' but whatever i enjoy it anyway. So just come to me trouble, im ready